Monday, January 7, 2013

Mother, Where art thou?

While pondering this interesting and life altering question I came upon one major agent or factor in my life that had the greatest influence and detriment, which if changed would of altered the course of my life completely. We are talking of course about every child’s god, “Mother” or more specifically my Mother.

It is not easy for someone to say that their mother as the most destructive influence in their lives, or to say that their sister made a better motherly influence then their own mother did. As I look back upon my life this is the conclusion that I would have to make. As I stated in one of my class discussions I started off in a typical military family were one parent i.e. my father was in the Army, and we being his family followed him to where he was stationed this of course being Germany.

My father had issues with other women meaning he liked them more than my mother. This did not help my mother’s already growing anxiety and personality issues, but these issues aside we were a family. It was a small micro-system that functioned adequately until the day my mother decided to abandon my father in hopes of following her dreams of being model. She ripped us from the world in which we were comfortable and we understood, and we had grown to be a part of the German community in which we lived. Transplanting us into a strange new social environment called San Diego, California.

My first language was German so when we were put into school here in the United States the identities that we had formed were ripped from us. We were forced to abandon speaking German and replacing it with English.  Add to this constant teasing by not only fellow students but teachers and other faculty as well. Now one of the reasons my mother decided to move to San Diego, CA. was that my aunt lived there and she was hoping she would be a source of support through this hard transitional time especially for her kids, however this was not the case.

My aunt saw raw material in which she could form what she considered proper children, and she disliked what she saw in us especially our language. Understanding that my mom chose to be a single mother, and this was difficult enough as it was, but add to it her inattentiveness toward my sister and me. Looking back at the stage of life that I am in now I can see how hard she had it as a single mother, but the personality and attitude that she had toward me and my sister were very destructive to us emotionally, physically, and mentally. She did not participate in any school activities. She did not participate or want us to participate in any extra-curricular activities.  She put other men before her children on several occasions even believing someone she considered to be her soul-mate over her own children when they told her that he was doing bad things to them.

A perfect example of my mother’s way of thinking or personality is dating a psychologist that worked in a psychiatric facility and having both my sister and I admitted into this facility so she and the psychologist can go take a vacation. Another example is having us put into foster care because she did not want to take the responsibility of her actions. As I got older she finally allowed me to try out for an extra-curricular activity that I had been begging her to try out for this being Varsity Cheerleading. I am not sure if she truly believed in me or she was just trying to get rid of me for the summer but when I was chosen for the team she told me that I could not pursue it anymore.

My mother was so in a rush when I was fifteen years old to get rid of me that she gave power of attorney to my sister and sent me on a flight to live with her in New Orleans, LA. Her reason behind this when I asked was that she felt I was changing because of the type of clothes I was wearing. She also felt I was going to get into trouble with guys from school, and other peers I associated with. She even told me she did it to save my own life.

Later on in life after I had graduated from High School and moved back to San Diego and was able to get a job she was asking for all my money to help with the bills of the house, and to come to find out she was using it to cover her gambling losses.  

Due to the example my mother set for me on how to treat men and what men meant, I went through several horrible relationships, and associations with men. No matter how good a person was if my mother didn’t find them to measure up I would find away to destroy the relationship. This was done both on a sub-conscious and conscious level.

All throughout my life all I wanted was for my mother to love me for who I was and to accept me. I wanted so much to be accepted, and I strove so hard to achieve this by changing who I was and molding myself into something I thought she would accept more, and it never happened.  That is why my mother is the biggest agent of socialization I would change in my life.  By changing just the way my mother dealt with life I believe it would have altered all the aspects of my life and my sister’s life if she just cared enough to believe in her children instead of other people, who knows where I would be today.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

About me and some thoughts on society

Hi, My name is Kimberly Fowler. I am 35 years old and a mother of two toddlers which are so close in age you can basically call them twins. I reside in San Diego,CA with my two children and ex-husband. I have worked for a wide range of job fields throughout my life. I have a great deal of experience in the entertainment industry, real-estate, mortgaging, accounting, administration, and other popular job fields. I also am an artist which I would love to do full-time but because of other obligations I'm afraid it isn't practical to do so at this time. I have two passions. One for the arts industry, and the other for social services and helping others. I am very fond of nature, animals, and children. Right now I am a Senior working on my fourth year here at Ashford University so my short-term educational goals are of course to finish out my curriculum and graduate this coming summer or fall.

As far as my professional goals are concerned I plan on utilizing my time wisely to finding a decent paying job to support myself and two children. Right now I am currently looking for a new job being that I was working for a contract job back in April of last year and it was for a very short duration. I would very much like to find something stable and permanent. Once I am situated I plan to utilize my degree to pursuing both of my dreams which are helping others wether that be children, animals, or nature; and of course eventually working in the arts industry. The reason why I want to go further with art is because my creativity skills are very high. I also want to help others in ways others are not experienced or gifted to do so. I think both goals would be truly a great experience for and alow the opportunity for expression which would work very well with me.

When it comes to a child's socialization where,how, and with whom they grow up with has a huge impact on how they react to social situations such as interacting with people. There are kids that grow up in homes that are very dysfunctional and as teenagers have issues making friends, or striking conversations with their peers. Some even have problems with shyness being that they grew up being told they were not worth anything. Then there is the society children have to grow up in which has its pros and cons which can help children and hinder them at the same time while growing up. Children are human beings and as humans we crave acceptance and love. We reach out to others that we feel can give us these qualities such as our family, teachers, and friends. Children especially count on these people to give them that support, love, care, and when they don't get from the avenues which they seek it other avenues come available such behaivoral and mental problems that can affect a child all the way up into adulthood. The problem with our society is that most of the time if a child exhibits these mental behaivors or issues, we throw them away. We don't want to even want to be bothered with it. We don't even want to help try to correct the situation first. All society wants to do is just forget that the problem exists and this is what is corroding the foundation of society and families.

Socialization is the manners and methods in which a society conducts itself. It is the collective of individual idealisms into a group consciousness. It is the melting pot of singular beings into one cohesive way of being.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Blog Question 2 - Why do you Blog?

When you make a decision for your blog, is it because you might gain something, or so your readers gain something?

I consider myself to be someone who loves to help not only myself, but people in any way that I can. If I have a gift especially with words I feel that this is the best way to share it with them. In no way do I gain any kind of profitable gain from my blogs or my decision to blog. Writing is a fun and imamginative thing to do and it is definately one of my hobbies. I appreciate everyone including the public who view my blog post's and appreciate all your feedback and even constructive critisicim. It helps me to learn not only about myself but about my viewers on a personal level. I would love your thoughts and would feel so happy to hear that one of my posts has helped one of my readers gain some valuable insight, or wisdom on my behalf. I always tell people that I am one of the most genuinue people you will ever get to read the writing of or even know if you happen to know me as a friend, colleague, or business partner.

Surprise Audio Coming Soon

Hi guys,

I am working on some audio blogs that were questioned to me. I will hopefully have a few of them posted soon. I hope you enjoy. Thanks in advance for reading and listening with me. Writing is fun!

Question 1-Blogger

When opportunities come around, how do you react? Have you missed any, and if so – why?

I love oppurtunities. When they come around I feel very blessed either way wether or not I get to have the oppurtunity or I miss it. My heart starts beating and my face feels warmer than average temperture because I start to feel an inner exictement. My physical excitement is more of a smile, and a gleam in my eyes. Lets just say my eyes smile. The one problem though is if I miss something my heart desires my soul cries out towards it eventually again looking for a second oppurtunity. It can be very difficult to grab every oppurtunity that comes around and most people should take it while it comes however with the kind our society we have now not everyone has the time, dedication, or even the willpower to make it happen or perhaps there are obstacles that get in the way which ceases you from being able to take the oppurtunity as it comes along.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

My thoughts about the election.

First of all I am happy the election is over. HaHa. Economic conditions seem to be getting better for some. But candidates have the education to rule our country however I did not feel Mitt Romney was mentally, spirtually, and emotionally strong enough to take on this position. I was also afraid that Romney would use his religious beliefs as a basis for our country and many people with the freedom that we have now would not be able to handle this type of change. Although there has been many rumours about both candidates my heart still felt that OBAMA had the spiritual qualities, and the belief that this country will get back on its feet with hard work.

Just be you and enjoy how you live because no onelse matters but what's inside of you. Not ur momma, ur kids, ur dog, ur cat. No one but you.